Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
God, I missed his penis.
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