Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
