I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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