Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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