Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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