Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
