Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
