He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
