I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
