I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
