he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
