You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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