mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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