And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
FUCK WHALES
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
