Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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