so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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