Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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