if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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