I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize