The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
