My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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