I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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