Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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