is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
