I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
