She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize