K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
