You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
