nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
