you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
