Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize