She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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