So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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