Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
