Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
