Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
