I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
