fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
