You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
