her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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