I'm pants shitting drunk right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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