she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
