I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
