i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
