im six kinds of drunk right now
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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