The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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