at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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