He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
