and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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