All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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