i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
