There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
