You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
