ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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