youre lurking in front of me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We have so much sex to catch up on
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
