We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
