the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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