Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
