I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
