I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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