I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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