sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
