Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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