I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
