i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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