i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
