with your own penis?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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