Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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